On June 1 I got LASIK eye surgery to correct my vision. I was so excited to start a life free of contacts and glasses after having worn them for 20 years.
After the surgery, I was uncomfortable as expected. My eyes were bright red and bruised, and it felt like I had staples in them (I wasn't expecting it to be pleasant). During the surgery, the doctor and nurses at the LASIK place kept telling me, "Now, it's going to feel like you're underwater after you open your eyes."
Ok, underwater. Got it.
Well, a week later, I was still seeing as if I was underwater. Then a week after that. Was this normal? I kept asking my friends who had gone through LASIK before, and all everyone kept repeating was, "just keep using those eye drops!"
Using eye drops religiously, wearing protective eye pads while sleeping as directed, my eyes were still foggy and cloudy. This is the part that's tricky to explain. My actual vision turned out fantastic! 20/10 in one eye, 20/15 in the other. The problem is, it's like I'm living in a cloud world. It's like someone left a hot, steamy shower running and I can't wipe the fog away. Every person, picture I look at on the wall, car on the road, is visible in my eyes, but it has a foggy haze around it. I don't like it.
I went for a checkup. I knew things weren't healing perfectly when one doctor paused after looking in my eyes and said, "I'm going to go grab my colleague to come and take a look." With both doctors in the room, they were smiling at me but muttering to one another about what they didn't think was going on with my eyes. All I kept thinking while they were talking was, "dangit."
They decided I needed to go back to the original surgeon (at a different, more fancy office) and have him take a look. A few days later I saw the surgeon. He told me that my eyes didn't heal correctly. During LASIK, they cut a flap (WORST WORD EVER) in your eye to access the cornea with the laser. After the fix your eyesight, they lay the flap back down. Well, my flaps had wrinkles in them, which was causing the fogginess. He wanted to do a second surgery to smooth them out.
Friday I had the second surgery to correct my flap issue (hate the word hate the word). They told me to expect things to get worse before they improved.
I went for a checkup yesterday (Tuesday), and the doctor said my left eye is looking pretty great but the right is questionable. He said the wrinkles appear to be gone, but that the right eye is very irritated and swollen so it's hard to tell. After he took off clear contact-like bandages, my left eye felt a lot better and even more clear! The right was worse than before.
Last night I played with the kids on the trampoline and Taylor's arm grazed my left eye. Now it is just as foggy as the right. Did I just re-wrinkle my dang eye flap?!!? I don't know.
Here are my thoughts on the whole situation.
It's hard to complain about a situation when it wasn't a dire need in the first place. I didn't have to get LASIK. I wanted it. With that being said, I felt peace about going forward with the surgery. The surgeon came highly recommended from a friend who had had LASIK herself. I went to a higher-end office that cost a little more to avoid any mishaps. Go figure :)
It will really be the worst if I spend the rest of my life in a fog. I am so irritable and frustrated by the whole thing. With that being said, I keep being overwhelmed by the feeling that if this is the biggest problem I have in my life right now, I'm doing alright. I have had 5 successful c-sections with zero problems, and have had 5 perfect, darling children. My body is a good one. It's not perfect, but I'm grateful for it.
Heavenly Father answers every prayer of mine. He always has and He always will. I don't say this to brag or to try and paint myself as righteous or anything, it's just the relationship we've always had. Pre-Mormon days and now that I'm a Mormon veteran. It's how it's always been.
I'm trying to learn what I can about the Savior's healing power. I do know that God can fix this foggy situation at any moment. What am I supposed to be learning from this?
I was reading in Isaiah yesterday about fasting, and that if your heart is spiritually minded and your motives are pure, your desires will be answered. I was also reading in the Book of Mormon (this echos the beatitudes in the New Testament) about those who knock will be answered and given all that they desire.
Knock knock. Fix my eyes please?
I know that I am loved and always watched over. I know that everything works out for my good as long as I'm trying to put the Savior first (Romans 8:28). I'll wait for the day when things clear up. Until then, I'll keep enjoying how beautiful my skin looks in the mirror because it's like I'm seeing myself through a constant filter.
